This is a guest post by Lisa Wright from Getting To Zen.
“If you can make me laugh, my heart is yours! I think there’s nothing more attractive than someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.” – Shay Mitchell
Is not believing in yourself setting you up for not getting what you want?
You know what I mean?
Your lack of confidence prevents you from fully participating in your life.
You might not speak up in groups, assert your opinions or ask questions for fear of being annoying.
I generally consider myself a confident person, but when a neighbor, who I was just getting to know, didn’t invite me to her barbecue, put me in a funk, I had to reevaluate how confident I really was.
It took a friend to point out to me that my funk was the result of a confidence issue.
Believe in you
Confidence is having belief in your ability to get what you want.
And even in that there is never a guarantee that the steps you take will net you the result you desire.
For example, I trained for months for a marathon that I was set to run in June, but in May, some muscle work I had done around my hips and lower back caused a previous injury to flare up.
And although I am running again, I did not do the marathon in June. This does not mean that I shouldn’t be confident in my training.
It just means that we don’t always get what we’ve worked hard for.
But what I am talking about is that confidence that lies beneath the surface of accomplishments. I am talking about the confidence that you are worthy of having the best the world has to offer.
Sure, intellectually you may know that it is your birthright to receive all the good available to you, but if something happens that makes you question your value, intelligence or integrity, you haven’t fully embraced that sentiment.
Confidence is not the same as arrogance
Confidence is not the same as arrogance.
It is not putting others down so that you can feel better about yourself.
The people with the most confidence have the ability to lift others up without feeling jealous, resentful or like they should be paid back in some way.
They recognize that they too once struggled and are happy to extend a helping hand to make another’s journey easier.
Confident people exude self-esteem. It oozes out of every pore of their body. It is the way they stand with their heads held high and shoulders back. It is in the way that they dress.
It is in the way that they speak.
It’s not that confident people are putting on a show; it’s their confidence that drives them to stand dress and speak the way that they do.
It is their belief that they can do whatever they set their minds to. That they are able to define a goal and then take the necessary action steps to achieve it.
Confidence is having a vision and a plan
You can’t be confident without being assertive.
All confident people stand up for themselves and what they believe in. Being assertive is not about being aggressive or being a bully.
It is about following your “true” path and not allowing what others think or say to sway you.
Sure, you listen to what other people have to say and you even consider whether you should incorporate it, but ultimately, confident people follow their own vision.
Positivity breeds confidence
Confident people are positive. They always see the glass half full.
Everyone has had bad things happen to them. There isn’t anything that has happened to you that hasn’t already happened to someone else.
Confident people don’t allow the negative things that have happened to them affect their outlook on life.
They look for the lesson in every situation.
Confident people accept that they cannot please everyone and better yet, they don’t want to.
Confident people know that there are a limited number of hours in the day and a limited amount of energy they want to expend in those hours. They recognize that if they give and give, they will have nothing left for themselves.
Confident people know who they are, what they stand for and no one can tell them any differently.
If they know that they are a good person, nothing is going to make them think differently.
And I don’t mean this in the way that a confident person doesn’t think that they have room to grow or issues to resolve, in fact, confident people embrace constructive criticism and are always eager to improve themselves.
They just know what they want and are determined to get it.
Be happy with what you see
Confident people have a positive self-image.
They look in the mirror and are happy with what they see.
They focus on the things that they like.
They accept themselves, “imperfections” and all.
Confident people take care of themselves mentally, physically and emotionally.
They treat themselves kindly and are their own best friends
Confident people don’t hang on to painful memories and bad feelings.
They recognize that this is a surefire way to negativity. They recognize that if you don’t control your thoughts, they will control you.
Confident people don’t have time to harbor resentment, anger and frustration. They recognize that it is the antithesis to feeling good and feeling good is what they are about.
So as you go on your way today, think about this article and remember there is nothing more attractive than someone who knows who they are.
About the author: Lisa H. is a mother, blogger, prolific runner and practitioner of all things happy. Visit her awesome blog at, Getting to Zen.com.