“My belief is that communication is the best way to create strong relationships.” -Jada Pinkett Smith
Have you ever gone into a relationship expecting something in return?
Probably to find love at first and then next you wanted you expectations to be met. Perhaps you checked out some dating sites too. Maybe if you knew the secrets of what your partner really wants might help you too.
Where did you get your model of how relationships work? Are you still using that ineffective and outdated model?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then you are suffering from an unhealthy relationship.
We are delusional about our relationships
Unhealthy relationships stems from a belief that if you behave a certain way in a relationship then you will be rewarded with that which you want from the other person. That model works sometimes, but often times not.
There is no guarantee that another person will reciprocate your actions.
The happiest people in relationships are those that give without expectations. Most pain in relationships is caused when a personal expectation of another has not been met.
No matter what is occurring in the relationship they do not lose themselves. Sure it is nice when you can pitch and catch or give and receive with another.
But you do not get to decide how or when this happens. All frustrations in relationships happen when someone or both in a relationship feels that they are doing more giving than receiving or that their expectations are not being met.
They may feel let down and jaded.
Often we try to become what our partner wants us to be, but we may feel like we fall short. Or even worse we become what we believe our partner wants us to be and we completely lose who we really are.
Relationships are a vehicle as an expression of who we really are not who our partner wants us to be.
People change and so do their expectations of a relationship.
Generally as we get older a lot of the delusions about relationships fade away. We begin to notice how our relationships are an exact replication of who we are being. Your relationships will become a mirror of who you are.
When you look into a mirror and you see a frown you don’t attempt to change the mirror do you? The moment you decide to smile the reflection on the mirror has no choice but to smile back.
Many of us try to change physical reality(the mirror) instead of changing us the (the person looking in the mirror.) Do not try to manipulate physical reality, instead change who you are.
That’s all that it takes, it’s that simple. If it doesn’t seem that simple to you,it is because you have a belief that says so. Change your beliefs to what is true for you and your reality will reflect the new belief.
Always seeking a new relationship in hopes of finding happiness
Most people will just go and seek out a new relationship and start the cycle all over again. Self awareness is the key to change in this area. Dig inside and see what you are doing to cause problems in your relationships.
Every person that you have attracted into you life is or was a vibrational match to you.Your vibrations can change and you will notice that you no longer resonate with certain people, jobs, or locations.
As you become who you really are ,then new people will enter you life. If you change your vibrations back to the old way then new friends will not be in alignment with you.
These relationship paradigms do not just include intimate relationships either. It can also include work, business, friendships, and families.
Really decide now who you are and how you want to be. Be honest about it and positive results in your relationships will occur.Any relationship that requires you to become someone other than who you are will lead to atrophy.
People come into this world with their own uniqueness as do you. Conformity will erode your own special uniqueness and you will lose yourself. If your partner, career, geographical location is no longer a vibrational match for you then move on.
- Change your relationship with yourself first
- Don’t eliminate your partner as a strategy for not dealing with your issues
- Stop blaming your partner for your problems since they are YOUR PROBLEMS
- Give yourself “you” time each day to reflect on yourself
- Learn to love yourself unconditionally so you can love your partner unconditionally
- Sow positive seeds in your relationship
- Teach your partner to lean on themselves instead of you
- Be willing to let go of needing to be right, choose to be in love instead
Stop wasting your energy trying to change people
Don’t waste another second of your time or energy trying to change another. People may change in the short-term to please you, but they will certainly return to their default setting as soon as they can.
What you are really saying is: Can you change who you are and the way you are behaving so I can feel better.
Decide now to make a decision and stick with it. Become the Highest version of yourself that you are able to be. The life that you originally intended to live will follow.
Basically you are saying; If you behave the way I want you to I will be happy and if you don’t I won’t.
This basically puts your happiness in someone else’s hands.